Do you feel like a living paradox? Here is How I Navigate Being AUDHD
Being both autistic and ADHD often means navigating conflict within your own brain. One part craves routine, predictability, and structure, while another part needs novelty, spontaneity, and surprise. These conflicting drives can be confusing, exhausting, and it can often feel completely exhausting to navigate. But within this duality lies a unique way of understanding yourself.
The ADHD to Autistic realisation pipeline is very common, a lot of us start by learning about ADHD & then further down the line we start to recognise that there is more going on than just being ADHD so we start exploring deeper. While the two share common ground in areas like sensory differences, challenges with executive function, sleep issues, and emotional dysregulation, they also maintain distinct identities.
Being autistic often brings a need for consistency, a preference for sameness, and a deep, focused interest in specific topics. In contrast, ADHD is often characterised by impulsivity, distractibility, and a drive to seek new stimuli.
When these two sets of traits coexist, they don't just add up; they interact, sometimes amplifying, sometimes canceling, but most often, creating a state of internal conflict. This is the core of the AUDHD experience (yay).
Common Contradictions in AuDHD
So many of us experience living with these recurring contradictions, tensions between what a part of us wants and what a part of us needs. While not everyone experiences all of them, many of us will relate to a few of the below.
Routine vs. Novelty
One of the most prominent contradictions is the push and pull between routine and spontaneity. The autistic side of the brain finds comfort in predictable routines, as they reduce anxiety and provide a stable framework for the day. However, the ADHD side quickly finds monotony draining and demands a change of pace. This can lead to a frustrating cycle: you meticulously plan your week for a sense of calm, but your ADHD traits rebel, leading you to abandon the schedule in favor of something new. Then, the lack of a plan can trigger the very anxiety the routine was meant to prevent.
Hyperfocus vs. Distractibility
Both autism and ADHD can involve hyperfocus (the ability to dive deeply into a task for hours, feeling "in the zone.") For those of us that are autistic, this is often connected to a special interest. For those of us who are ADHD, it’s a state of intense concentration on a rewarding or stimulating task.
The contradiction arises when this laser-like focus exists alongside executive dysfunction. You might be able to spend eight hours straight researching a niche topic you're passionate about, yet find it nearly impossible to spend five minutes on a mundane task like washing dishes or paying bills. This isn't a sign of laziness; it's the AUDHD brain prioritising rewarding stimuli while struggling with the "boring" but necessary tasks.
Social Craving vs. Social Overload
The drive to connect socially can be a strong motivator for the ADHD part of our brain, which often craves new faces and external energy. At the same time, the autistic side of our brain can find social cues and the unpredictable nature of social events to be profoundly draining. This can result in a confusing cycle where we seek out social interaction, only to feel completely overwhelmed and in need of immediate retreat. We might enjoy socialising for an hour before the noise and sensory input become unbearable, leaving you searching for a quiet room to decompress.
There are so many times i have experienced this, but this memory stands out for me:
Initially i was excited, a fairly new friend was inviting me out for drinks, and my ADHD brain immediately lit up with the thrill of making new friends and doing something new. Part of me loves the energy of a crowd, the excitement of meeting new people, and the spontaneity of conversation. I immediately said "yes" without really thinking about it, all that was on my mind was what i would wear & what i would talk about.
But as the day of the plans approached, a sense of dread began to creep in. My autistic brain, which thrives on predictability and routine, was sounding an alarm. I started running through all the potential unknowns: Will there be too many people? What if the music is too loud? What if the conversations are too chaotic and I can't keep up? The very things that excited me just a few days ago were now a source of intense anxiety.
I found myself wanting to cancel but not wanting to be ‘that’ person (again), shame crept in…
I found myself conflicted. One part of me wanted to be there, to laugh and connect and enjoy up the novelty, I kept telling myself that putting myself in these positions is good for me, it’s good to meet new people. We are constantly told that getting out of your comfort zone is good for you, but part of me just wanted to stay home in my quiet, predictable space.
On the day before we were meant to go out for drinks, I was full of nervous energy. I drafted a message saying i couldnt make it, then delete the message & tell myself that i need to put myself out there. I wasn't being indecisive; I was being pulled in two different directions at once. It felt like my desire for stimulation was in a direct fight with my need for stability.
In the end, I decided to go. I told myself I could leave early if I needed to. I wore noise-cancelling headphones on the way there, (a small compromise to ease my sensory anxiety). I socialised for about an hour, enjoying the energy and the conversation. But as the noise level rose and the number of people grew, my autistic side took over.
I ended up in the bathroom (again) and began to feel the familiar need to escape. I ended up messaging my partner, then i went back out explained i was feeling overwhelmed, said goodbye and left, feeling a mix of relief and disappointment in myself. I was relieved to be going home, but disappointed that I couldn't stay and enjoy the evening in the way my ADHD brain had hoped.
(In the past i would of kept drinking & masking my way through it, but i have learnt that this doesn’t serve me well at all)
That night was a perfect summary of life with AUDHD. I had sought out socialising and novelty, only to be overwhelmed by it and retreat into my comfort zone. It was a clear reminder that I am a walking contradiction. I am both the person who craves the new and exciting and the person who desperately needs the calm and the familiar. And I am learning that living with this duality is less about picking a side and more about finding a way to honour both parts of myself.
So how do we move past frustation?
Being AUDHD means accepting that you may always feel like a contradiction (to others and to yourself). The key to self-advocacy is to move beyond judgment and towards understanding:
Challenge Yourself to Communicate Your Needs. It can be really easy to feel like a burden but instead of apologising for a sudden change of heart, explain your needs clearly and confidently. For example: "I love the idea of drinks, but I may need to dip out if it becomes too much."
Build Flexible Systems, Not Rigid Routines. Rigid schedules often fail. Instead, create flexible routines with built-in "wiggle room" for spontaneity. This might mean having a general "i’ll join for a drink" rather than a committing to an entire evening.
Lean on Strategies and Tools. Using sensory tools like noise-cancelling headphones to manage overstimulation. Plan major transitions or new experiences ahead of time to buffer the change. Most importantly, practice self-compassion and recognise that this is a unique way of being, not a personal failing.
It can feel really frustrating when you want to experience and enjoy things but your brain won’t allow you to, but by understanding that these contradictions are a natural part of the AUDHD experience, you can stop fighting yourself and start finding a sense of balance that works for you. In my experience, the more I have allowed myself to be vulnerable in explaining the way my brain works, the more other people actually really relate to it, it’s just not something that we often talk about.
If you need a little extra help navigating & exploring AUDHD our journal is perfect for this, with a built in social tracker, sensory exploration and space for emotion processing & reflection it is the perfect tool to work out how to look after your AUDHD brain and give yourself the grace you need.
A judgment‑free, self‑reflective space built for disconnecting from external expectations and reconnecting with your internal world.
Journal overview:
Daily Check‑Ins & Reflections for practising self‑kindness, tracking wins, sensory experiences, emotional triggers, and personal strengths.
Micro‑Goal & Task Breakdown Pages to turn overwhelming tasks into bite‑size actions, and help you build momentum without burnout.
Why it works:
Provides a free‑form structure to reflect at your own pace.
Supports self‑discovery using tools your brain already resonates with—no forced routines or pressure.
Acts as both a standalone companion and a supplement to the Toolkit for reinforcing insights.
The Big Bad ADHD & Autism Journal is a unique and supportive space designed by us for individuals with ADHD and autistic brains to reflect, vent, and work through things at your own pace. This judgment-free journal encourages self-discovery, clarity, and kindness.
This digital downloadable journal offers a variety of templates and prompts to help you build a life that works for you, without rush or pressure. You can engage with the journal whenever needed, even using it as a template to build your own prompts.
Key Sections:
Daily Check-In & Reflections: Helps you tune into what works for you, build supportive routines, and practice self-kindness. Prompts include identifying challenges, celebrating wins, noting sensory inputs, and acknowledging personal strengths.
Micro-Goal & Task Breakdowns: Guides you in breaking down overwhelming tasks into small, manageable steps, fostering momentum and resilience through "micro-goals".
Sensory Exploration: Enables you to understand your sensory triggers, identify what boosts or drains your energy, and plan self-care strategies. It covers visual, auditory, tactile, smell, taste, proprioceptive, and movement awareness.
Emotion Processing & Reflection: Provides tools to help you, particularly recognise emotional patterns, identify triggers, and find balance. It includes steps like pausing, naming emotions, rating intensity, and identifying needs.
Visual/Creative Play: Offers a creative outlet for processing emotions and finding release through drawing, doodling, and colouring, without the need for perfection or articulation.
Brain Dump: A section to clear the mind of swirling thoughts, worries, and tasks, reducing anxiety and bringing clarity.
Special Interest Exploration & List: Encourages you to delve into their passions, providing comfort, structure, identity, and opportunities for self-expression.
Strengths & Wins Spotlight: A powerful exercise to build confidence and resilience by focusing on personal strengths and celebrating achievements, big or small.
Social & Support Tracker: Helps you identify and maintain supportive connections by tracking interactions, your mood before and after, and the effects of these interactions.
Goal & Dream Vision: Aids in transforming vague ideas into clear intentions, increasing the likelihood of achievement and fostering motivation through tracking progress.
This journal is a companion for anyone looking to navigate their ADHD and autistic experiences with kindness and understanding 💖
