Struggle to regulate after socialising? Heres why…

May 20

No, you aren’t ‘just introverted’ and it’s not ‘just shyness’… Autistics & ADHD’ers commonly experience intense difficulty regulating themselves after socialising & the post social crash is very real and is rooted in deep neurological, sensory, and emotional factors.

Let’s paint a scenario…

Scenario: The Birthday Brunch

You’re invited to a close friend’s birthday brunch. You like your friend. You want to be there. You spend the night before rehearsing conversations in your head and trying to pick an outfit that feels both socially acceptable and sensory-safe. You know the café will be busy and loud, so you pack your noise-canceling earbuds… just in case.

The Event

You arrive. It’s a group of 8 people, some familiar, some not. The music is louder than you expected. The smell of fried food hits you as soon as you step in. Your shirt label starts to itch. Your friend hugs you (you weren’t ready for touch, but you smile). You scan for a chair that lets you face the wall (less visual overwhelm).

Everyone talks at once. You’re tracking eye contact, trying to remember social scripts, suppressing the urge to stim. Someone interrupts you mid-sentence. You laugh, but your brain starts pinging: Did I say too much? Was I boring? You accidentally fidget too noticeably and notice someone glance down. Cue masking.

You’re still “on” the whole time, engaged, funny, upbeat. No one would guess anything’s wrong.

The Aftermath

You finally leave. You get in your car. Your hands are shaking slightly, but you're not sure why. Your jaw is tight. Your playlist feels wrong. You drive home in silence, already replaying parts of the brunch:

Why did I say that about my job? Did I overshare?
They laughed… was it at me?
Did I make enough eye contact? Too much?
I forgot to say goodbye to that one girl. Was that rude?

You walk into your house. The weight of the last three hours hits all at once. You kick off your shoes and collapse on the floor. You feel exhausted and overstimulated, but also wired. You try to sit still but can’t. You rock, stim, pace. Your thoughts are spiraling.

You try to text someone to “talk it out,” but halfway through typing, you feel ashamed, like you’re being too much. You delete the message. You retreat to your room, pull a weighted blanket over yourself, and go completely offline.

You don’t feel “better” until the next day.

To the outside world, you were social, friendly, and “seemed fine.” But internally, your brain and nervous system were doing high-stakes juggling the entire time, navigating sensory chaos, executive function strain, and social decoding. That post-social crash isn’t weakness or drama (it’s a very real form of neurological burnout).

So let’s explore why this is and what this can look like…

Masking Requires Immense Energy

Many AuDHDers feel pressure to mask, to consciously or unconsciously hide their autistic traits (like stimming, avoiding eye contact, or needing breaks) and manage ADHD traits (like impulsivity, distractibility, or fidgeting) to appear more “socially acceptable.”

🧠 This constant self-monitoring burns a lot of cognitive and emotional energy.

Sensory Overload Accumulates

Social environments are often loud, bright, chaotic, or overstimulating. For someone with sensory sensitivities, each input—background noise, fluorescent lighting, multiple people talking—can add to a growing sense of internal chaos.

Even a casual conversation in a coffee shop might involve:

Filtering out background music and chatter
Making eye contact
Trying to follow abstract social cues
Managing a body's sensory responses (itchy clothes, uncomfortable chair, strong smells)

🎧 This overstimulation lingers in the nervous system, making it hard to "come down" afterward.

Rejection Sensitivity and Overthinking

ADHD often comes with rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)—a painful sensitivity to real or perceived rejection or criticism. Autistic people, meanwhile, may struggle with interpreting subtle social cues. Put those together, and after a social event, an AuDHDer might:

Replay conversations obsessively
Worry they said something "wrong"
Feel a crash of self-doubt or shame

🌀 This spiral can cause emotional dysregulation, anxiety, and even shutdowns or meltdowns.

Emotional and Cognitive Fatigue

Socialising demands executive function: attention shifting, memory, impulse control, and emotional regulation. These functions are naturally impaired or inconsistent in both autism and ADHD. After socialising, the mental bandwidth just runs out.

🛑 This can lead to:

Emotional outbursts (meltdowns)
Numbness or emotional flatness (shutdowns)
The need to isolate or stim to recover

Difficulty Transitioning

Both ADHD and autism can make it hard to shift gears between environments, emotional states, or activities. After socialising, the nervous system may stay in "high alert" mode. It might take hours (or even a full day) to down-regulate.

⚠️ This means even when the social event ends, the body and brain haven’t received the "all clear."

Why is it important that we are aware of these things?

Awareness turns self-blame into self-understanding. Many of us grow up being told we are too sensitive, too intense, antisocial, or lazy when we just need time alone after social events. Understanding this helps reframe it as a legitimate need, not a character flaw. In short: when we understand why time and space for regulation after socialising is hard for some people, we treat ourselves and others with more kindness, patience, and respect. We stop forcing everyone to fit one model of “normal” and start honoring the full spectrum of human experience. And that helps everyone feel more safe, more seen, and more supported.

So what can help? 😌

✨ Recovery Time
Give yourself some calm, quiet space after social events—think solo time with zero pressure. Whether it's reading, watching comfort shows, or just simply floor time, your brain will thank you.

🌙 Unmasking Space
Let yourself fully be you. That might mean stimming, zoning out under a blanket, pacing, or listening to the same song on repeat. No judgment just comfort!

🧭 Prep & Debrief
If you know social stuff drains you, plan for it. Build in recovery time before and after, and remind yourself it's okay to take a moment to process everything once you're home.

🛠️ Regulation Tools
Things like weighted blankets, noise-canceling headphones, a walk, or diving into a special interest can really help your body and mind feel steady again.

💛 Self-Compassion
You’re not being “dramatic” or “too sensitive.” Your nervous system has different needs and that’s completely okay. Go gently with yourself.