Why telling your employees you can ‘just ask for adjustments’ isn’t a solution for neurodivergent people in the workplace

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been told to just ask for help if I’m struggling at work. It sounds very supportive in theory right? If you know what you need, ask for it, get support. Except… it’s really not that simple. Not for a lot of us who are neurodivergent. Asking for adjustments at work is emotionally exhausting, full of risk, and more complicated than people realise.

Before even reaching the point of asking, most of us have already spent weeks or months trying to figure out what’s wrong and what might help. Here’s the thing though, even though we have most likely spent alot of time already considering it, we don’t always have the solution.

Struggles like executive dysfunction, sensory overwhelm or shutdowns don’t always fit neatly into workplace language.

Translating those experiences into something managers will understand and take seriously takes time and emotional effort. Then comes the vulnerability hangover that often follows disclosure. The overthinking, second-guessing, and worrying about how people now perceive you. For alot of us it isn’t worth it.

Many neurodivergent people (including myself here) have had past experiences of being dismissed or worse when they’ve asked for help. Being told to push through or being made to feel like they’re exaggerating stays with you. That makes every new disclosure feel risky. There’s often a fear of being seen as lazy, unreliable, or difficult.

Sometimes the consequences aren’t even obvious or immediate. It’s the slow, subtle changes. Being left out of projects, overlooked for opportunities, or treated differently without anyone openly acknowledging why.

While many workplaces now claim to support neurodivergent staff, the reality often tells a different story. Adjustments can feel like favours rather than basic rights. The process for getting help is often unclear, slow, and full of barriers. People are asked to jump through hoops, provide endless documentation, and explain their needs repeatedly to different people.

I remember one job where I finally built up the courage to ask for some really simple adjustments: clearer written instructions, permission to wear noise-cancelling headphones, and more flexible deadlines when possible. What followed was weeks of back-and-forth emails (which actually made my actual job harder to do), long meetings, and being asked to prove how these things would “directly impact my performance.”

By the time anything was put in place, I was already so burnt out from the process that I barely had the energy left to benefit from the changes.

Because adjustments aren’t openly discussed or normalised, many employees feel like they’re the only one asking. There’s often pressure to prove you’re already performing at a high level before your needs will be taken seriously. The message you get, even if it’s never said outright, is that you need to excel first and only then will people consider supporting you.

This creates a difficult choice. Either mask and push through at the expense of your wellbeing, or disclose and risk judgment.

For many, the fear and uncertainty mean they wait until they’ve completely burnt out before saying anything. By that point, recovery takes even longer, and trust in the system is already broken. It’s not that neurodivergent people don’t want help. It’s that asking often doesn’t feel emotionally or professionally safe.

Workplaces need to shift the burden. The responsibility for accessibility and inclusion shouldn’t sit entirely on neurodivergent employees.

Support processes should be clear, low-barrier, and treated as a normal part of workplace culture. Managers need to be trained to recognise and respond to neurodivergent needs with understanding and flexibility.

Adjustments should not feel like a favour granted to a few people after proving themselves. They should be standard, proactive, and offered before people reach crisis point.

If the thought of asking for adjustments feels overwhelming, that feeling is valid.

Your hesitation makes sense. Past experiences and ongoing workplace cultures have taught many neurodivergent people that speaking up comes with risk.

But your needs are real. You deserve support that works for you. Whether your next step is drafting an email, talking to a trusted colleague, or simply reminding yourself that your feelings are valid, it all matters.

Change is happening, even if slowly. You’re allowed to take up space and ask for what helps.

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